More Captivating Shit From The World Wide Web

Me loves the internet and the wack shit it hides.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Save the Queen! Where and when!

And also the usual;

Very appealing offer, and the fact that she's outgoing is just what I need these days, I'm not gonna pay to fly her over just so we can watch telly, this bitch better take me fishing too, and make jokes on que, and always be sexy because I'm paying for it.

What Kim Did Next

NYC's littlest hustla has used her beef with Nicki Minaj to get busay on the scene and see rea$on to make new mu$ic. Kim get that dolla.

But until we hear the new album, Kim's gotta buy groceries, and when all you eat is gold, silver, diamonds and hospital grade silicon it's kinda hard to live off government support. So Kim's gotta dust of her plether jacket and hit da clubs.

Which isn't too hard because Kim loves the clubs, and the gays love her, so the two usually line up and Kim can afford to eat the fat out of her bum for another night.

Pretty cute right *waves back*

Counting how many drinks she's had and if driving home is a good idea.

And jumping on the stage for a worship session (if you accidentally grab somthing and it comes off Kim lets you keep it, one fan took home a fingernail).

On another note can we please talk about Kim's hat. Cute, sassy and fash forward, that thing has me wishing Christmas comes twice.

Even More Pretty Than The Original!

Although not sure why you would ever do this, I'm hyped at the opportunity.

Her Fans Will Love This

Mary Kate does her best to look like she comes from Melbourne.

It's Christmas Time!

Just in case you noticed but chose not too (like me) we have got to face the music and acknowledge that it might be that time of year again. But unlike another 'special time' there is no pad or tampon for this reoccurring boo boo.

Something To Prove

On one hand I'd love to be fit, 60 and on telly, on the other hand I'm thinking bingo is a better idea.

Clip Of The Year! Clip Of The Year!

It's not everyday we get a music video worth posting, hell I couldn't event be bothered to learn how to 'embed' even when I was all hyperactive about Gaga's Telephone coming out. And when I found that hilarious clip of a monkey pissing into his own mouth... still I was to lazy to embed. But now (praise Jesus or a significantly sexy deity) Mariah has come to the multimedia rescue and I've gone to all the trouble of finding a 'code', and posting a youtube clip. What can I say; people CAN change!

Now for the clip, it is heaven, it is nirvana, it is bigger than life itself. Basically this is my (and consequentially your) happy place. When life gets you down, the bus driver calls you a raging cunt, or you find yourself compatible for the paralympics, watch this, and all is good.

I don't know why the world hasn't replaced Santa asap because we now have an even better version of a 'big, jolly, insane, hairy madman' that delivers fun shit at xmas.

So Prettay!

Just when you thought Kim Kardashian had set a pretty high benchmark for artificial babe of the year, the seniorita below comes in for a last minute win!

But who is she? Those sexy eyes, her rampant cleavage, and that sexy cute pink dress (Glebe markets?)

It Was A Stupid Idea With A Predictable Result

Just like a real superhero!

I laughed...

Too Literal

It wouldn't be the first time she's used Ularu for fashion inspiration.

Cheeky Possum

This weeks Kim Watch follows her through her twitter pages, and from what I can gather Kim's keeping it local (she was Never going to make it to Australia, so Obvious!) by keeping her performances selective. And by selective I mean she's opted for the local Gay bars of New York. Ahhh you can always trust the gays to open their cold hearts to any stray pop star - as long as it still identifies as a 'she'. Fuck the gays have taken in everything from Kelly Rowland to Paulini, something about those cheap club ready songs really rings a bell with the homosexual DNA.

And for those of us who plan to recreate Kim's look, heres what she wore;

Gold jacket ($7 from the local swap-n-save)

Black short-shorts (second hang from Biggie - same size!)

Monster boots (you gotta get something for stalking Rihanna right?)

Hair extensions ($5 - and nobody could smell the horse ++!)

Sheer stockings (only $20 from Ben & Jerrys)

Face ($50 - hollowed out teddy bear head soaked in Maybelline liquid concealer for 2 months)

Fake lashes (free - the things you can do with an old fridge box!)

An excited Kim before the show;

Me Thinks

"A rumbly in my tumbly"

Humph?

So a shitload of wax Gaga's were unveiled recently in so many places that the bitch broke another record. My only problem was with the Shanghai Gaga (pictured), which kinda looks a bit over 50.

XXX

Beloved Gwen went to the White house with those 3 men who bribe her to make rock music not pop. Yeh yucky I know. After performing some Beetles shit (people STILL arent over them, bloody baby boomers) Gwenny plonked her dainty ass on a chair and tweeted the night away. What I'm saying is Gwen is better than the Beetles (not open for debate), she's what I'll be spinning as an oldie and referring to as 'legitimate music'. By that age I may also have surgerie'd myself into the second coming of Gaga, or maybe chucked a reverse MJ and turned into Beyonce herself. Hey Jay-Z!

No Thanks, Really No

Firstly apologies if your a hoola hooper, but you've got to be aware that 'your type' come with alot of 'rolls eyes'. So if your a hooper and want to keep your confidence I suggest some nice Xmittens for Christmas, but if your from planet Earth (as opposed to Saturn - who also likes a dozen rings hanging around her tummy) then lets talk dreadlocks, hoops, the fucken rainbow, vegan fleece, backyard frog ponds, the organic rave movement, grain waves, bad hygiene and a chickens right to live, love and learn. Basically it's all a downward spiral until one day when your fire breathing backfires and you roast yourself from the inside out. Have I made my point; your gloves are bad. The worst.

Lil' November 4 Kim

Wheres Kim at you ask?!? Well she had a heaps important November, and it all kicked off at halloween:

Kim was a sexy cat, she purr'ed around some party then fell asleep with her head in her crotch.

Next Kim hit up a 7/11, and by the look of things I'd say Kim's in for some potato chips! What a lucky girl!

And finally Kim's gone for the 'seaweed' hair she's been dreaming about. Looking a bit Michaella Jackson tho'

So ontop of a grueling regime that requires the rap queen to not only feed and wash herself, Kim's also found the energy to give Nicki Minaj afew jabs in the groin; she released her track 'Black Friday' which barks at hisses at the successful times of Nickiiiiii!!!!!!! Kim even got hot and flustered enough to (apply deodorant) announce another album; Hard Core 2: All Hail The Queen, in which we are sure to hear more about Kim's sexy curves and her appetite for shlong. As tasteless as that sounds lets be honest, it's already my anthem to a sexual 2012.

Sounds Good To Me!

This little slogan had me thinking twice about dating online! The very exotic South Pacific! Yummy! I hope they are as red HOT as they say they are, and I hope I can go to a pretty island with my net lover and hang out at that glamourous stone wall thing in the picture. Sweet sweet fantasy!

Coolin Off

Next single coming out in February 2011, gives me 3 healthy months to worship Nicki Minaj.

The Best Thing You'll Find On The Internet From The Past 24 Hours

Get On The Plane Bitch

Buckle up!

???

Ok so lately I haven't been to sure where this blog is headed. What I do know is that there is beauty in the world (pictured above) and I like it.