Monday, June 14, 2010

Call Back Later!

Sad moment peeps! I'm fucking off temporarily. I read eat pray love and signed up for the tour. Truth!
Fingers crossed I'll drop yaz a post (all 3 of you - shout out to Cassie Steel & co)

Until then! ox

Thats Ma Gurl!

So everyday I slowly leach a small percent of my soul over to the Gaga. I didn't want it anyway, it was kinda lazy and a bad influence.
In the picture above the Lady is at her sisters graduation. The critics have cited the time she described her use of veils as a social shield for when her balls aren't feeling too big. So just maybe she thought she'd put a black piece of fabric between herself and her old school. Henceforth! this is my new fashion tip! Dont like something; veil time honey! I'm gonna be trying this one on bus drivers and creeps in the club.

Tina Knowels must have sent her all the skin tone shit, we all know thats where the whole worlds stockholding of body toned lycra is kept.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Gaga's Alejandro = Hot New Dance Movesre

Yerr I could rant and rave about religious iconography, Madonna, and sexy bowl cut wigs... but I can't be fucked. Instead I'm gonna give y'all the 101 on the latest dance moves pinched directly from the clip. Learning moves from videos is hotter than any hip hop bullshit you'll learn in a big room thats lined with mirrors. Word'!
Firstly the crab legs are back. Make sure your walking with a neat horizontal line between your knees to show everyone just how geometric you can be when needed.
This was a spiritual moment in the clip was it not! Matching your wig, undies and heels is now a DO, and then a sexy snake slide along anything (bed, bar top, door mat, nature strip) is a real opportunity to show that curvy back of yours. Oddly enough you'll also be looking like a grazing horse, but guys like that.
Now for some real fun. The old tropicana arms - just pretend your arms are a wave and your some kind of limp seaweed thats seductively mooshing around. Ale Ale Ale Ale Alejendro!
Don't miss this as a dance op! Grab a friends jewelry and thread it swiftly into your mouth. There is definitely a caution warning on this move, there being 1 major risk; germs! make sure you wash the thing first!
Ahh!! A fun move! Before you've seduced the DJ into playing 'Alejandro' warn the closest 7 strangers that in the 3rd run of the chorus you'd like them to violently hoist you in the air, as if your a sheet and they're making a bed. Don't be shy to hoot while your up there!
And finally, wack a mop head onto your skull and dance around like your auditioning to be the next face in a Good Guys commercial. Hint; demand your friends to catwalk around you, it'll really contrast your sassy moves. The vest really tops of this Carol Brady look so be sure to have one on-hand, or likewise some removable (a zip?) sleeves. Besides being 1 of my top 3 most ugliest pieces of clothing, what is wrong with a vest when worn ironically?

Enjoy! and don't complain to me when people start saying your a sexy mutha on the d floor!

Makin The World A Better Place For You & Me

Apparently that oil spill is big newz these days. Meh' the babe above is the only shit I wanna hear about. Kisses!

My Personal Fight With Jada

Why do I want to take a large chunk of wood, cover it in rusty nails, then jam it down Jada Pinkett-Smith's mouth repeatedly? Tell me you do too!
Maybe its the conceited rubbery smile that gives a neighborly 'fuck you' vibe. Maybe its the air of confidence and dignity that masks her suppressed desire for eating pussy inside a dumpster. Maybe it's the muscular frame.
Maybe it's the precious little family in their hot trendz. Maybe it's hubby Will with his successful-black-man air?
I'm pretty sure it's that sheen that's coming off every angle of Jada's hulky frame. Why does she look more oily than a teenage slumber party? Maybe she spends alot of time above a deep-frier researching for a role as an oil spill in the next Batman movie?

Someone that is not to blame is sweetheart Jackie Chan who's racy head-to-toe white get-up has fashionistas rethinking ever wearing denim again!

I Aint Seeing Such A Pretty Picture

It hurts; the slow and painful decline of Xtina from babe with a voice like an angel on steroids to garbage bin ho with the style of a jazz crew performing hits from Grease.

Its such a fucken mess and where we'd usually blame drugs and mental illness I can only suspect the killers were marriage and children.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

From What I Can Gather

About a month ago Missy Elliott got herself a twitter account and got shit rolling - as in she's getting back in the game. More un/importantly she is in Sweden on a whim and has been tweeting as she shops. Bizarre I know; Missy shops.. and I thought she was more of a 'if the singlet fits wear it' type.
First up she's done what any rap artist with their first thousand does; heads for the Louis V. The true definition of rap glory is getting this print on your bed sheets. Did someone say Glamma with a capitol L. Gucci is also applicable when talking riches.

Then Missy has kept to her flat footed nature and started thinking sneakers. Being an Adidas homegirl, she's feelin pretty darn cute looking at this femme colours. Missy is mega famous for her sneaker collection - something about the practical, athletic, flat foot, nature of the shoes really rings a chord with Miss E. Sexy I know.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


People are just hating the flick!
Just pretend sand is made from glitter and we'll all be just fine. Being realistic never made anyone happy.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Lil' Kim Watch

Firstly how good does she look! Secondly: who are her tall new friends? Some hybrid Williams sister/Salt & Pepper types?
Sure Kims just mooching around dodgy events but I still love the hip-hop queen now & forever. We'll be chillin in heaven talking shopping and wealth.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

What Lies Beneath

It lives, It breaths. She's definitely a cold topic at the moment (remember when watching her demise was a sport?!) but Winehouse could still have afew tricks up her sleeve. And if theres not tricks up her sleeve then it's a handful of flees mixed with dead skin cells.

Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm Yours

Feeling like your religious icons are letting you down lately? Hot tip; kick the old dull dusty habits and sign your souls over to Nicki Minaj. Rap's hottest property, the superb witch will take your hearts, paint em pink, then jam it in your ear. So FUCK OFF to youtube or wherever and get listening. She won't let you down, unless your some indie rock cunt, snore.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Sexy City Seen!

Like this bunch of 'girls' I too have seen the movie about 4 zany babes hitting up a desert. While a reverse on the antics of the original series it was pretty fucken funny seeing the gals go wild (the pinnacle of wild being karaoke) and redefining feminism as a humor category. Fun times.

Yesterday's News; Today!

Fantasies were broken; everybody's fav thug from da club 50 Cent lost the hella a lotta weight. It's for a movie role which is either about a skinny athlete, a sick dude, or a biggest loser movie.
Now he looks like your regular hobo from any continent of the world. I think I've seen this guy in Sydney?!

The skinny bitch says he'll wack the weight back on real soon so he can go back to the rich cuddly gorilla we all love him as.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Who Dat

Usually (being Australian) we like to side with the 'underdog' (ahh the imagery of that term) but in the case of Beyonce's silent sabotage of Kelly Rowland I'm with the upperdog. B does this primarily by being so much fucken better, and secondly by hiring people to scream 'fat pig' at Kelly every morning at 5am. Fat pig or not (you judge the pic - hum??) Kelly has decided to wear a big 'leave me alone paps' hat to the beach. Turns out the joke was on her as a couple of German tourists were just trying to get a photo of the view when Rowland started power-walking through every frame. They didn't get their shot in the end, but Kelly got a free slap in the face from a hand not belonging to Michelle Williams. Let's face it Destiny's children hated every inch of eachother and would swerve a moving car if it meant life in a wheelchair for their bandmates.

Ranting & Releasing

Basically M.I.A. has an album comin out in July and the thing has got kick-ass reviews already. However girl isnt happy. Firstly she pooped out some scandalous video for a promo song (Born Free - cus we are right? humph) that I got bored during and never made it to the end - yeh yeh I get it - guns ect... death... Youtube banned it - shoop'.

Then she put out her first single XXXO which is cute but not making me toot. She's doing some great album artwork too; the album being inspired by the internet (genius - srsly) so she's cropping lots internet looking shit together. I love it, its a fucken virtual craft age, I shoulda fucken known!
Then she also got pissed off at some article about her which ended in her posting the interviewers personal phone number on twitter. You can take the girl out of London but you cant take the earwax out of the girl. Don't know what I meant by that, either way she's got the free-bitch gene (that's a compliment) and the album will make ya ears curdle.