Thursday, October 28, 2010
So as you already know, I have no control or say in where I end up when surfing (we still call it surfing?) the net. What I mistake for checking my emails turns into a full blown investigation to work out what Bec Hewitt's uterus is doing. Sometimes I just want to pop by Perez and I end up researching a diet based on corn. I don't know why, I do know I'm happily withering away in the process. My overall point for this rant is to lead into the following picture. Somehow I ended up voting for the ARIA awards. Let it be known I would rather vote in a 'which tampon are you' contest than go to the ARIA homepage. But to contradict myself; I'll try anything once, twice, daily, hourly... repeat until fade.
And what a selection Australia has turned out. If these chart toppers don't make me a proud Australian then I guess it's time to immigrate. Aka charter the boat, get me out. I can honestly nit-pick this bullshit, starting from Brain McFadden (ISNT HE IRISH?!) to the kick-in-the-nuts that is a DOUBLE serving of Guy Sebastian AND the clown without the makeup - Vanessa Amorosi. I ended up voting for the We Speak No Americano, primarily because it's the only one that tickled my cold heart, and secondly because it hints at America - AKA the home of Gaga, Beyonce, Madonna and that heavenly lot of ladies. God bless America... anything to save me from an oversized handful of Australian Idol infestations and that filthy folk Miller-Heidke fuckwit.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So if you woke up today, saw the grey sky, and a plastic bag stuck around a penguins neck, let me remind you that there is beauty yet in this world! Example 1;
Baby cockatoo, can't believe Sanrio hasn't picked up this guy as the next Hello Kitty. The only thing cuter would be this guy with a metallic pink bow atop that adorable bald head.
Owww sugar! this is some deflated rare shark business, so go get rid of your teddy bears and the old cat you love so much. Time to invest in something really glam and sexy. It doubles as both a halloween prop, a toilet plunger and if your really game... a Melbourne Cup hat. I use mine as an ipod case and a substitute for the adorable child I never birthed. Mawwwww
Monday, October 25, 2010
Gags has been in London for a while because her Paris shows got cancelled cos some irrelevant riot, so she's been working out her grey wig with some black spray paint on it.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
What was originally a rap/soul group is now the pinnacle for bullshit digibeats and autotuned rants about technology. Sure I like the cute new album cover but sharpen your blades because the lead single is a musical massacre, another soundtrack for suicide - to add to my playlist of Maroon 5.
Friday, October 22, 2010
The talentless fuckfest that calls itself Kardashian continues to parade around sponsored events, airports and fat free food chains. It's a sad day when they wheel our your birthday cake and it's got a logo on the side. I wouldn't say you've sold your soul to the devil, but I'd say there is definitely a price on everything from the walls of your uterus to the trust between you and your own mother... Yowch... Who am I kidding... I love these fuckheads and I'm the one that would pay to smell their hair and get them to sign my boobs.
So I love a cheeky monkey, and M.I.A. is no exception. You couldn't try to explain this as 'political' to me because I'm to chuffed at the apparent fun timez.
Bouncin round the stage like shes the missing 5th teletubby.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My version of this would be alot more violent... my legs poking out the window while I pull myself in... screaming "I'll follow you until you luv meeeee". Gags would be defenselessly hitting my with her officer hat and I'd have to cry to avoid prison... tell her I think of her as a mother or something tastelessly concerning.
Monday, October 18, 2010
So there was some event called Black Girls Rock or something, where all my homegirls performed and fluffed around in a venue for afew healthy hours.
And here they are having a party mo together later. Who do you find sexier because I'm leaning towards Miss, for obvious reasons (the hair).
And because nobody can leave their bedrooms without running into a Kardashian these grim days, Kim was within arms length, smiling, dancing and blowing something.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The internet (who can blame it... it cares) is obsessed with the idea of finding me a date. I can never seem to harmlessly go about my business without the slight suggestion to meet a woman, or 'start flirting today'. All ironies aside, today's beautiful woman was certainly not the trim Russian I've been saving for. The ad was more an offer to meet a sleazy looking Columbian couple for a 'chat now'. Had this pair been the guaranteed creeps on skype, I would have been more willing to 'chat now' and give them a taste of my very own raised eyebrow, skin imperfections, and hungry eyes.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
So while I'm open to the idea of there being a post-postmodern form of art, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Kim's dropped her dacks again and exploited the few talents her name has to offer. But because she's done it for Art's sake, this time its OK to show the images to your kids.
So do we like or do we hate? Biologically confused?
My final verdict is that I like Kim, not as much as Khloe obviously. I give her credit for lingering like the smell of fish long after her dairy's expiry date, and give her more credit for finding new aspects of her bland self to sell to us. She is both a beautiful rare gem and an off cut of whore who likes a needle in between her eyes and a dick in her left hand... all whilst a boom microphone hangs within volumes reach.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
So Mimi hosted her hubbys 30th the other night. The love filled occasion went smoothly without too much to chit chat about, hence the blogosphere is left twittering shit about the potential litter she's growing.
Bun in the oven? Tadpoles found their way upstream? rubbed your gennys together 9 months ago? Reproducing much?
Scientists, Biologists, Mathematicians, Astrologers; we're all reading the shady 'cover da hump' body language and getting excited for an infant with cheeks like tennis balls (from Mum).
Plz Mimi tell us your gonna shoot one out sometime, and don't forget to call it Glitter, Lavender, Fantasy and/or Lamb.
Friday, October 8, 2010
So Kim (in the middle?) has been smoozing around town and doing everything except that which made her famous. Aka she's at the opening of a convenience store... any reason to get out of bed I guess. Beats sitting around watching the Commonwealth Games.
The fashionz are looking good. I've got no hate towards butterflies, pink, and my friendly substances from the artificial world. Life is good.
So google is no stranger to putting out a themed banner for any cheap occasion. But what the fuck are we celebrating today? WHAT?!?!!?!? I can not begin to puzzle this one together, although to the peeps at Google (or those in the know) this is probably some really obvious occasion. Dah it's international suck your own dick day!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Sadly hitting 50 was the dawn of becoming a practical joke for poor Madonna. A whole new generation is at it's prime and all they've seen is a whole lotta wrinkle and heard the nasal voice of a drowning corpse singing 4 Minutes.
And if your a fan of a good spot-the-difference, see if you can tell the above image apart from the one below. Helpful Hint; the REAL Madonna is wearing a black top.
What is she to you? The bitch that sung Hanky Panky or the vulture that keeps her uterus intact with a paperclip?