Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Too Big For The Paddle Pool

No Mariah hasn't become Riri's stylist.
One day she'll be all Italian Vogue, the next she's happy to settle on an old 2 piece - that's the glory of lycra - it stretches.
And don't we just know who the prettiest gurl on the beach is.
Locals had to pull her off a privately owned boat for trespassing. Fame does not always mean power.


Monday, December 28, 2009

I Live For This

This is the Xmas card you'd be getting if you were a pal of Mimi & co.
Its fucken out of this world. But what else do you expect from a 40 year old woman with the brain of a 70 year old plastic surgery fuckup?

Online Poker - Apparently Now I'm A Lord?

Katy Perry Bung Boothy Shakes With Timbaland

Katy shakes the booty she doesnt have while pulling a keen and convincing face.

White girls rockin out... yeeeeeh

Ps Timbaland has paid mega $$ for some flattering wardrobe but I know he's the human equivalent of a gummy bear - no strategically placed belt will give Timtambaland a sexy silhouette.

Gaga - Meet N Greet

A bunch of Gaga fans get to meet the woman at every show and fun timez are had. Fascinating, I know.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Kool Just Got Kooler

Snoopy D has once again visited Martha S in her kitchen to cook shit. In this case it was brownies and Snoop happily joked about adding the green goodies; America giggles. I like this pair, it's like when 50 cent walked around NYC with Bette Midler - old white bitches smoozing with king pimps. Hot.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

What Do These 2 Images Have In Common?

Shrek 4...

Pinky's abs shot.

Both feature stronger looking women.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Kelly Vs The Curse Of The Black Knowels

Kelly rocked up to some event in the UK - they don't hold her past against her there.
Smiled pretty, did her thang, wore blue ... bla bla bla
Performed old hits and new mini-hits

Then ended up on Elton Johns lap trying to get in his good books.

But I need to talk about the real issue at hand; and that is Kelly's career. Sure we all know her and Beyonce split on rosey terms but what we really know is that Beyonce took out the skull of dearest grandmama Knowels, rubed it thrice in the eye socket and then cursed the name Kelly Rowland to a lifetime of limp music and the role of Destiny's other child. So if Kelly has learnt anything from the Harry Potter franchise it is that 'neither can survive while the other lives'. Hence Kelly needs to whip out her doozey wand and give Bey the avada kedva beauty treatment if she is ever to get a bodacious black leg up on R&B's fiercest bitch.

That said, love em both and would by their poopies if they'd only retail it globally - it's hard getting things shipped to Australia I've learnt!

Monday, December 14, 2009

I'm So Confused

Have you ever been so confused you cant put one foot in front of the other? We'll while Carrie has managed to put left over right and walk on I'm afew miles back gathering thoughts and remembering who I am, and how I like my eggs. I don't understand this Sexy City movie business. Shouldn't it be left in the decade thats ending? Or will it be a bit of fun? Sure I'll see it, and I'll get all into it and shit... hell I'll even get the promotional movie goers cup if only they'll let me. But I feel guilty, like I've moved on from a dead lover or something. SJP is worn like crocodile skin and I can actually see why they opted for a big 2 on the poster - sex, sexy, sexual ... this movie aint. In reality its a whole lotta women hawking about in their forties ... oh well ... sign me up ... another reason to leave the house.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

And She's A Hottie!

Ever run into an ad for online gambling? The cyber hotties they have put together are such genetically gifted babes I couldn't believe it. Megan Fox please sit down - true beauty has arrived and don't the gents just love her naughty poker gal antics. Hubba hubba.

I Still Can't Tell Which One Is Beyonce

While I still can't recognise which one is Beyonce (Tina woulda put her up front right?), I can definitely spot Kelly Rowland and her $10 boys cut from a heafty mile away.

I Don't Need Words To Get My Point Across

Lazy bullshit.

Friday, December 11, 2009


One word; Versace

El Gagita - Out & About

Poor thing is gonna get majorly clonked if she works too hard. She is EVERYWHERE and I'm being a die hard fan by worrying about her health...

How many times do We (the people) need to see her on that piano? Nobody likes instruments anymore ... they are so 3 centuries ago - nowadays we like the bleep bleep of a friendly robot. On another note I kinda think she looked nice on this night, which is MAYJAiHo because she's so fucken happy with looking like a refrigerator in a fancy hat.

Fashion Hayley the verdict please?

Single Ladies (Put A Bowl On It)

Yeh, hi ... could I get the ... um ... $10 boys cut? ... um ... eh ... yeh I wanna look like Leo in Titanic ... but urban..

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Lady Elizabeth Meets Queen Gaga

Gags has met the Queen B and the two couldn't have gelled more. I kid, the only thing reminiscent of gel in this hot shot is whatever artificial substance has been used to give Gaga her junkie raw panda eyes. Queen is confused, but is also the Guinness World Record holder for holding her shit tucked tightly in a conservative brain so the old girl smiled and played along with her surroundings - responding when talked too and urinating on the yellow light.
Gaga felt shit good - and who wouldn't after mingling with fancy old women who have their own body weight in jewelry 3 fold! You'd play along with this gal even if she wanted to ride you like a donkey (naked).

True to form, Gaga pulled some major tricks and got freaky with a piano. People commented she could have done the same set but on solid ground - Gaga responded with her usual performance art blab - and lost 50 more Australian fans who are over her pretense and junk.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Brandy Wins Skinniest Bitch @ Timbaland's Party Vote

Every doughnut lover in the land (except Brandy - who has her own personal strugglz) showed up to the debut of Timbaland's nu album; The Sound Of Pots N Pans Going Clang Clang - Part 2.
For some really really weird reason Jojo has got in on this project. What is her big deal?
Also in attendance was the SheRilla Serena Williams, who bought along an old man then played along with Brandy's skinny crusade and let a photo be taken.

Fat Joe also rocked up. Say NO more. This guy has real problems.

Katy Perry - Ur So Nong!

Im so confused about Katy Perry - not a fan or a h8er. Is she even fun? Maybe? ... I'm stumped.

What You Covering Gwenny Gwen?

I'm not in the mood for declaring pregnancy, so I'll have to interpret this mooshy looking coat thing as some Gwen-fashion-forward-thinking and go get me a rug and wear it to the disco.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Van Der fuck

This is without doubt one of the most precious faces of depressing times past. With a forehead the size of your regular building brick, some sluggy eyebrows and an acting career that'll induce a gag reflex to get you hurling creek water - this is not a fun dude.

Intelligently 1 of the females of the world has said NO to having Van Der Beek as a damn ugly surname and divorced him for being a fucken maniac through and through. Unfortunately his gennies have taken up camp in some chick (the blonde) he smuggled home from Israel. It wont be long till she wakes up one night to the brutal reality check - shes been sexing the child of a refrigerator.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Katie's Night Out

The talented Ms Price has set a new personal best for filling her insides with drug related substances! Katie had a whirlwind of fun as a semi conscious her acted paraplegic all over London town. After gnawing off her low lip and dislocating everything (her neck, her wrists, her eye balls, men's balls, lots of dicks... ect) Katie retired to her limousine to pee on a stick and declare pregnancy to an emu. The baby is due in May 2010 and she would like to name it Gorgeous Ikkiwiki Nocotumbar Swarovski Price.

My Name Is Aretha

And I wish you a merry christmasssssssssssssssss

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Grammy Time

So it's time for another award ceremony and I'm desperate to watch, but only because I love celebs. That said I have had the lowest points of my life watching award shows - they are depressing and borderline suicide inducing. They are so bad, but because Beyonce is sitting on a chair somewhere, I'll give it my 3 hours of human existence. Speaking of Beyonce, Our Girl (yeh I'm like related now homegirl style) she has got 10 gram nomis, I hope she sweeps the thing like a hungry blob at an expensive buffet. But I also want grammyville to give Gaga something because whatever is on her head that night deserves to be on worldwide television. And she knows it.

Heres the nomis for record of the year. Can you believe these songs are fucken big deals and the sound of my arse farting isnt? Oh we'll theres always next year.

Record Of The Year
(Award to the Artist and to the Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s) and/or Mixer(s), if other than the artist.)

  • Halo
    Beyoncé Knowles & Ryan Tedder, producers; Jim Caruana, Mark "Spike" Stent & Ryan Tedder, engineers/mixers
    Track from: I Am... Sasha Fierce
    [Music World Music / Columbia]

  • I Gotta Feeling
    The Black Eyed Peas
    David Guetta & Frederick Riesterer, producers; will.i.am, Dylan "3-D" Dresdow & Padraic "Padlock" Kerin, engineers/mixers

  • Use Somebody
    Kings Of Leon
    Jacquire King & Angelo Petraglia, producers; Jacquire King, engineer/mixer
    [RCA Records]

  • Poker Face
    Lady Gaga
    RedOne, producer; Robert Orton, RedOne & Dave Russell, engineers/mixers
    Track from: The Fame

  • You Belong With Me
    Taylor Swift
    Nathan Chapman & Taylor Swift, producers; Chad Carlson & Justin Niebank, engineers/mixers
    [Big Machine Records]