Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Biggest Xtra Skin Gainer Finale

Firstly OJ Roachester looked about 50 bucks with herself donning a neat collection of puckered skin that web her arm and tangerine-toned body together nicely.  
Once 180kg 'Amanda' (now about 50kg less - but still a Momma) sang at the finale, it's because big people get powerful lungs (it's been hard to breath) and so they can do opera tunes. 
The largest collection of loose skin went to the winner of the evening 'Bob' who lost over half his body weight. While usually this loss would kill a human, in Bob's case it's made him $200,000 richer so he can very luckily pay for a talented local seamstress to guide a sewing machine along the edge of his entire skeleton - then slice of the weighty excess. 
      I personally was upset Tiffany didn't win, it continually sucks when the chicks can loose as much butter as the dicks. But I will sleep fine tonight because Bob was her stepdad - this is good not because she might need to have the largest organ on her human body (skin) tailored (because she's younger that somehow means theres elastics in her skin so it'll bounce back) but because Bobs an oldie and that money should find its was to Tiff in the next decade, - less if Bob can't retain his healthy-yet-gaunt new figure and magnetically finds himself the largest patron KFC has ever fed. 

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Yeh Na

Gaga's been carrying a purple cup around and it's not great. Usually I'm a supporter of her antics but this has me baffled like I've been hit in the spinal cord with a bamboo cane. Yowzer I hear you cry - I'm just not so sure about this all anymore. 

Happy 40th Birthday Renee!

Zellweger has clocked 40 and to celebrate I'm taking that trip down memory lane while trying to work out the proportions and dynamics of her face because I've never fully understood the way it works and it's many ins-and-outs. Them are her usual Oscar winning pinched lips on puff face action. 
This is some of her usual Bridget Jones trix, complete with rosy rash wind burn effects. 
Maybe she's been turning to botox. Fuck I'm stupid, of course she has; she's 40! So she's got that shiny stretched balloon look -it's just all a bit tight and shinny for me to dub it natural. Note; she's still got some gag going on with her lips and a sun-in-my-eyes squint. 
Now this pic showed up in my google image search, I found it captivating as they've released her from many of her facial shackles and taken the notorious pinch out of her lip area and sedated her eyes so they are reminiscent of someone who sees the bigger picture. Plus I'm not a total Renee h8er so I definitely wanted to leave you with some positive impression of The Weger. 
This is a cartoon gem, it sum's up all the accusations I've had plus more. Just concludes the whole lip region business and shut eye I've been ranting on. Plus it visualizes her puffy oval head and no-chin. 

Saturday, April 25, 2009

A Case of the Crazy Eyes

Having odd crazy eyes is tough! I don't know how people live with it - Makes you look like madness central.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I Love You Coco


Some people genuinely thought that John Lennon was Jesus and he was here to save us. I think the same thing about Geri Halliwell, she was meant to save us all and make the world the best place to be, she was gonna save us all from ourselves. 


There are the worlds most dodgy jobs on the market at the moment. It's embarrassing. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The News Of Today; A Summary

It's been a hectic week of all this news, not to mention Madonna falling off a horse.
First up is unicorn freak lady. I don't care about all the bullshit I could say about this bullshit. All I know is I don't like it at all and don't wanna look at the ugly image. Ps the bitch got the shit cut off - but after 17 years of looking like her head was droppin the shit.

Second up in my image round up is Kim Kardashian, and her now famous sunburn.

Next in news is the fact that Lindsay is single, on the booze and hangin out with Scary Spice. Sure Scary isn't the first choice of spice in these trailing times but I'm sure being near such a girl-power epicenter is doing buckets for Lindsay's lesbianism appetite. Once a muncher always a muncher. 

Also in hot topics is all the dodgy shit that's happening when it comes to Slumdog stars and poverty. The chick above isnt in the house her dad wanted and so he's trying to sell her. Apparently. And because it's in India and they don't care about looking dodgy, anyone related to the girl is having a fist fight in the street over whatever the situation is, all while western media covers the showdown and makes the Slumdog lot look more like they are a Slumdog lot. But they are right?
Also in news, Amy has burnt her leggy and it looks like shit but she keeps walking. Walking walking walking - it's motivating me! 

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Simple Life

Do You Agree? Im on the fence - be a diva a say I want heaps more (wheres my cake and diamonds?) or sit back and believe for a second I could live on a farm with these 'necessities' 

Have You Seen Me?

Lady Gaga's older sister Madame Googly, a known clairvoyant and speed typist has been arrested for a prank-gone-wrong when Googly attempted to park her rollerblades in a loading zone at peek hour. Googly was also charged with further offenses for not gaging the seriousness of the situation and the hazardous misguidance of a public thoroughfare. 

Lil Kim - On Couch

Recently the cutest cat of female rap happily snuggled up on a couch with a laptop to make a video for a song that will go nowhere (called 'Download'). It's just nice to see Kim enjoying herself and feeling like no.1 princess of Kimtasialand.

The Astonishing Face That Never Gets Too Old To Look At

I know all types of losers, in particular the 40'something fucktards at Good News Week (HAAATTE SO MUCH) have had a swipe at Tori's mug, but truth told, it's still as captivating as a crystal ball.