Lookin 4 Werk

Sadly there comes a time when y'all want some more moolah and begging just isn't an option. Hot clothes wont buy themselves and you can't afford as many strippers as you'd like. Robbing a bank is the only way out, only because the SHIT on seek.com is more painful than slicing your hand off slowly with a cheese grater. Imagine... now seek;

'the epitome of elegance'... lets think about that as I reach for a blade...

Say fashion once more and I'll apply!

Im crying...

Groovey should have been written out of the english language a long time ago...

BARF BARF BARF.

I Spy Tina Knowels!

29 years later and still Tina keeps close on the heels of her bill payer.

Tina Tina Tinaaaaaaa! Surely shes going to the oversized luggage collection to pick up her sewing machine and infamous roll of beige fabric; she's got this idea for a bodysuit that would look great...

Don't Forget!

Eggs, milk, bread, and yogurt for mum!

Looking For An Exit?

Poor Britney. Someone send her back to the farm and teach her how to chew grass.

The Latest News!

Firstly this was really exciting. As if a cold splash of water isn't exciting. More importantly is the pale pink nip slip, which has baby calfs worldwide hungry for Lohan. And even more importantly, (because fashion is like air to the malnourished under-confident internet population) are Lohan's accessories for the situation. We've got some of that timeless turquoise plastic coral shit, which although the scum of the beading community, is a must for any tan blonde on a sandy surface. Next we've got a holy cross ring - hot - because nothing is more relevant than an outdated religion that is now the bread and butter of fashionista cattle. Top this look off with some bangles (a gift from the designer) and a pair of sunglasses - worn in the waves as a metaphor for Lindsay's resilience to her ever challenging surroundings. Overall she's hit an 8.5/10 in my fashion critique, some regrowth would have got her a 9, and another 2 weeks in the sun to darken her freckles will push things to a 10.

In other breaking news a monkey hugged a pigeon and I love it. I wont send money to many charities but if someone will start a program to domesticate the monkey I'm keen to give away 10% of my earnings.

So while the Spice Girls have transitioned into their watered down current selves (The Porridge Girls?) we can still worship girl groups knowing that Destiny's Child could potentially still play the part. That is if Tina Knowles (dah dum!) still has another 600 metres of her infamous flesh toned fabric (1 million metres for 20 bucks when Beyonce was born - who's laughing!) to craft the girls more 1 shouldered, high necked, backless bodysuits. Also a massive hurdle to their reformation is Kelly's longer hair, if she's to play the part (and help us tell them apart) we'll need it to be 5cm long with red tips. Non negotiable. And Michelle... well I hear Ciara is out of work - nobody will know, and those that do will be the same ones that know where she's buried.

Best Dressed Goes Too...

Figure hugging, sexy, fash-forward, and well accessorised.

Headline Of The Week!

Text Mum! Does she know!

Hot Looks From The Met Ball

So they do this thing every year and it NEVER fails to amuse. It's like the Oscars on steroids - with every stylist in town locked in a dungeon somewhere.

Riri continues the evolution of her hair. Gaga may be able to reinvent daily, but NOBODY works a wack red mop like the Only girl in the world.

Solange continues to chase the illusive theme of 'the future'. Without too much aluminium foil she's convincing me that We Are Not Alone. She's also getting good use out of Kelly Rowland's old face.

Straight from the hospital (surely?) this junkie has managed to staple her face back and is really working the hell out of an old $10 Salvos bridal dress. A painted on cleavage and punched face never looked so amusing.

This troll has decided polyester satin is the height of sophistication but kept her look 'youthful' by adding a faux baby bump (4 steamed cauliflowers and you'll bloat your way to twins). Timeless, ageless and biologically impossible (repeat 3 times every morning and night).

With a long list of talents to her name, Beyonce's skills have let her down at the stairs (again! - the invite said ground floor only!!! ergh!!) But luckily 2 immigrants were able to hoist the superstar up in full view of the paparazzi. 3, 2, 1, and lifffffffffft!

Stupid Fool

So we all know the internet throws some pretty funky adds our way every now and again, but this 'funny tees' business is a real punch in the eye. Painful in every way imaginable, they've hired some girl-next-door type, put her in one of their hilarious tees, and called their business intelligent. I cant just call her a slut and that be that, I'm more offended. Other points of complaint; the urban brick wall - maybe she's some sassy law student - makes me hate it more. The t-shirt itself was offensive enough to blog about, what rock-n-roll lovin fool would go there? ... probably the 35+ pub music crowd. Yuck. On a final note, why does this add look like it was originally crafted as the latest quit smoking campaign? Its that burnt paper crap up the top and sudden stomach lurch you get when you see it. Score: 0/100.

Finally Some News Worth Blogging!

And by that I mean 2 people I don't know (but would surely get along greatly with) doing absolutely nothing.

Barbie and Britney got their promo on, and took Brits out for what could potentially be some kind of proactiv skin care campaign. Why else would she have pulled her hair back and declared herself good to go? Oh that's right she's a cheap rabbit with the inhibitions of a toddler so why wouldn't she go with what the sparkly metallic chip in her head says. Regardlessly, she looked stunning - print all of these out, blu-tac them up above your bed, and your dreams will be the same as they were before.

Hugs are fun.

Then the gals tweeted out a pic, fans couldn't (but actually could) believe their eyes.

Yeh Me Too

Devil Woman

So it sucks. I've turned the cold shoulder and am now the leader of the opposition. I've got my people working against this right now.

To think you could get away with this crap as your cover art... a fool.

Suddenly 300

When Will She Pop?

3 years in the making and finally Mariah is due to pop at any moment. True to form she's kept her figure out of every photo for the past 6 months, we've seen everything but her twin bearing bod. So after multiple twitpics of her dog clan, all nicely showcasing her $10 (but actually 10 mill) butterfly ring, we finally get the above shot... and have you ever seen a more symmetrical circle!

It's nice to know one of pop's finest divas is not only gigantic, but also giggling as a poorly paid assistant paints like a child on her stomach. Perfection.

Hence Proving My Point That Everyone* Looks Better Bald

*Everyone being shitholes