Hot Looks From The Met Ball

So they do this thing every year and it NEVER fails to amuse. It's like the Oscars on steroids - with every stylist in town locked in a dungeon somewhere.

Riri continues the evolution of her hair. Gaga may be able to reinvent daily, but NOBODY works a wack red mop like the Only girl in the world.

Solange continues to chase the illusive theme of 'the future'. Without too much aluminium foil she's convincing me that We Are Not Alone. She's also getting good use out of Kelly Rowland's old face.

Straight from the hospital (surely?) this junkie has managed to staple her face back and is really working the hell out of an old $10 Salvos bridal dress. A painted on cleavage and punched face never looked so amusing.

This troll has decided polyester satin is the height of sophistication but kept her look 'youthful' by adding a faux baby bump (4 steamed cauliflowers and you'll bloat your way to twins). Timeless, ageless and biologically impossible (repeat 3 times every morning and night).

With a long list of talents to her name, Beyonce's skills have let her down at the stairs (again! - the invite said ground floor only!!! ergh!!) But luckily 2 immigrants were able to hoist the superstar up in full view of the paparazzi. 3, 2, 1, and lifffffffffft!

Wassup Witchu

Sadly hitting 50 was the dawn of becoming a practical joke for poor Madonna. A whole new generation is at it's prime and all they've seen is a whole lotta wrinkle and heard the nasal voice of a drowning corpse singing 4 Minutes.

And if your a fan of a good spot-the-difference, see if you can tell the above image apart from the one below. Helpful Hint; the REAL Madonna is wearing a black top.

What is she to you? The bitch that sung Hanky Panky or the vulture that keeps her uterus intact with a paperclip?

Aging For The Sake Of It

So Madonna accidentally left the house this August and people have decided she's celebrating her aging process.

Aside from the kudos she received for lookin pretty human, I was more flustered by Lourdes' face, which appears to be a healthy blend of teenage confusion with styling advice from Mum's third-in-charge assistant. I'm thinking little Lourdes had a sexy look in mind and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the modern day family of gods, not Zeus and his lot, I'm talking about The Kardashians.

Who wouldn't want to pay to look like this lot?! Personally I identify with Khloe, because she's big and vulgar in a really really cute & fun way.

Tryin'

Who looks better; the 51 year old in the pedophile coat or the 14 year old that's battling facial hair?

Hanky Panky

Fun day out!; Madgy left the house (coconut juicebox in tow) to pull a sexy in the name of Dolce and Gabbana. She looked decent right?!?! Once again they stood her next to a male who was born the year Ray Of Light hit the radio waves. It was a lucky year for M. And by lucky I mean he'll be legal soon so Madge can put her sea sponge on his man carrot.

Got Ya Lourdes!

I'm so happy to report that Lourdes is going though puberty. This includes a skull that's redefining it's structure, a mono-brow that is no longer a novelty but a real furry curse, and a mouth that needs a tight band of metal to keep under control. Sure mum can make 40 million in a year; it wont help when your pubes start traveling down your legs.

You hairy fucker.