Hot Looks From The Met Ball

So they do this thing every year and it NEVER fails to amuse. It's like the Oscars on steroids - with every stylist in town locked in a dungeon somewhere.

Riri continues the evolution of her hair. Gaga may be able to reinvent daily, but NOBODY works a wack red mop like the Only girl in the world.

Solange continues to chase the illusive theme of 'the future'. Without too much aluminium foil she's convincing me that We Are Not Alone. She's also getting good use out of Kelly Rowland's old face.

Straight from the hospital (surely?) this junkie has managed to staple her face back and is really working the hell out of an old $10 Salvos bridal dress. A painted on cleavage and punched face never looked so amusing.

This troll has decided polyester satin is the height of sophistication but kept her look 'youthful' by adding a faux baby bump (4 steamed cauliflowers and you'll bloat your way to twins). Timeless, ageless and biologically impossible (repeat 3 times every morning and night).

With a long list of talents to her name, Beyonce's skills have let her down at the stairs (again! - the invite said ground floor only!!! ergh!!) But luckily 2 immigrants were able to hoist the superstar up in full view of the paparazzi. 3, 2, 1, and lifffffffffft!

A New Definition For The Word Sexy

For years now people have called Fergie (aka the original Crazed Ho) sexy, and I'm always a bit 'yer right' about it. Somehow the Crazed Ho keeps finding herself in situations where she's required to wear lace and look like a pretty fantasy babe. The Tron'esque backdrops havent helped. So while I've pointed the finger and screamed, I'm ready to take my words back. The above video, especially the sexy little cherry stalk twist has me thinking Fergie is now sexier than winning lotto.

Fergie: 'Im So 4008'

What was originally a rap/soul group is now the pinnacle for bullshit digibeats and autotuned rants about technology. Sure I like the cute new album cover but sharpen your blades because the lead single is a musical massacre, another soundtrack for suicide - to add to my playlist of Maroon 5.

Crazed Ho

The ORIGINAL Crazed Ho has appeared in concert donning her take on that ludicrous theme of the future. Now try to wipe your arse bitch. Yeh try.

I'd like to point the finger at druggzz for this mess, but even that senario is to brainy. Instead (as hinted by the picture above) I'll point the finger at the kidney bean which serves as Fergie's brain source. It's that kidney bean that recommended a self cut fringe matched with a Disney Witch costume. Notably the kidney bean also wrote London Bridge.

Did We Ever Like Ferg?

I'm sure she wants us to like her, with her brown wig, Gaga glasses, odd brow and awkward smirk.

Playin pals with a pea and a cheating husband. Good timez, great muzik:

What is she even trying to say? Maybe rock that body or 3008. Sit down Ferg...

Number 99 On The Worlds Sexiest

She may be somewhere in her thirties and possess the face of a reformed meth addict, but still she'll ditch a dress's front anyday and play sexy lady. She's gone for a flattering forest green Vera Wang (just guessing? - love VW) but kept her front simplistically absent. Make no mistake, she didnt just leave 2 metres of fabric at home accidentally - because this little clown loves to pull avant guard fashions to rival Rihanna and surviving Jackson personnel.

This all said why not remove the part of the dress, I actually don't care and appreciated her poor-but-cheeky efforts.