2012 And Lovin' It

So lets examine some celebs on NYE! Just how did the rich and famous do it??

After hours of trying, Riri finally managed to get a secret snap of the parties worst dressed; Ms Blonde Cornrows 2012, you treasure!

Theres nothing important to say about Beiber when the World is having one of its rare glimpses at Pitbull sans sunnies. He looks like a friend's gross dad, or maybe someone that plays a saxophone at the local pub.

More From Riri's Vacay!

Because nothing says party like a beer, a pool noodle, and an expression that reads 'whats going onnn?'

And if there is one form of sport I think when I hear Riri's name its banana boat. She addicted!

So they dragged her out to sea, untied the raft and left her there overnight (lolz).

Come baaaaaaaaack! Not funny guyssssssssss!

How Riri Spent Her Weekend

We allll think to ourselves every Friday "guess it's the weekend... lets leave the house for a risky change" however the Only Girl in the world has taken that concept heaps further.

She's hired a costume, drunk the potent off milk from the fridge, and taken to the streets.

The rest is blurry hot mess, at least that's what she thinks happened. Ask the man with the cornrows and you'll get another story; '... she crawled around on all 4s making goat noises then bought everyone something from Pie Face, really nice girl..'

Hot Looks From The Met Ball

So they do this thing every year and it NEVER fails to amuse. It's like the Oscars on steroids - with every stylist in town locked in a dungeon somewhere.

Riri continues the evolution of her hair. Gaga may be able to reinvent daily, but NOBODY works a wack red mop like the Only girl in the world.

Solange continues to chase the illusive theme of 'the future'. Without too much aluminium foil she's convincing me that We Are Not Alone. She's also getting good use out of Kelly Rowland's old face.

Straight from the hospital (surely?) this junkie has managed to staple her face back and is really working the hell out of an old $10 Salvos bridal dress. A painted on cleavage and punched face never looked so amusing.

This troll has decided polyester satin is the height of sophistication but kept her look 'youthful' by adding a faux baby bump (4 steamed cauliflowers and you'll bloat your way to twins). Timeless, ageless and biologically impossible (repeat 3 times every morning and night).

With a long list of talents to her name, Beyonce's skills have let her down at the stairs (again! - the invite said ground floor only!!! ergh!!) But luckily 2 immigrants were able to hoist the superstar up in full view of the paparazzi. 3, 2, 1, and lifffffffffft!

Not In This Lifetime Creep

Rihanna has just got herself out of a 8 hour standoff with 2 Tibetan runaways. They had cornered the singer and were trying to trade her wig (a priceless Tibetan treasure no doubt) for 2 mount franklin bottles filled with rice and a pair of shoes woven from goat hair. The hostage situation resolved itself when Riri was able to bargain them down to giving her just the hairy shoes in exchange for her maroon (a lucky colour) g-banger. The Tibetans ran away, one wearing the g across her face while the other performed Pon De Replay on a traditional shell trumpet.

What You'll See At Riri's Concert

A light up dress - my golly the technology...

Some tight latex bullshit that screams practicality.

A pink tank being ridden by a metal patient.

A big gun looking thing - a chance for the haters to pray for a fall.

And Riri going at the drums, because this economy couldn't afford a drummer so everyone on the tour has to do 2 duties. Thats how a back-up singer ended up as a chef and a roadie ended up as the lead stage left dancer.

Where The Fuck Are Ya?

So Riri is on the road doing promo work for her latest album.

And some daft picks of her standing around found me.

She smiles, pouts, stands, sits...

But I thought something was fucken odd about them... then a clue gave it away; thats fucken sandstone in the background - the yellow type. Bitch is in Sydney and hasnt looked me up.

Too Big For The Paddle Pool

No Mariah hasn't become Riri's stylist.

One day she'll be all Italian Vogue, the next she's happy to settle on an old 2 piece - that's the glory of lycra - it stretches.

And don't we just know who the prettiest gurl on the beach is.

Locals had to pull her off a privately owned boat for trespassing. Fame does not always mean power.

L8er!!

Single Ladies (Put A Bowl On It)

Yeh, hi ... could I get the ... um ... $10 boys cut? ... um ... eh ... yeh I wanna look like Leo in Titanic ... but urban..

The American Music Awards Highlights

Obviously!!! Nelly Furtado being herself;

Nelly is so fucken bonkers let me tell you. She is The Queen of nonsense and couldn't even play sane if Timbaland asker her too. I'm guessing he tries anyway, she'd sell more albums if we could remotely relate to her.

Riri sang a bit out of tune, but only to match her inconsistent outfit.

She also felt a bit cheeky getting lasers in the eyes of the audience. Rumor reports Whitney Huston didnt enjoy the bright red flashes reminding her of her naughty time with the coppas.

And Gaga played the creep in the corner - (look at that face')

Happier Timez

This was Riri when she got a grammy for Umbrolly, I was just thinkin how much she's changed n shit. Sure she had some major shit hit the fan with Chris Brown, but now she's all dark and rated r - apparently. Just makes you think how astrology really affects us and why we evolved from gorillas in the first place.

Divas 4 Halloween

Riri went as a tiger. 3/10 babe.
Beyonce went as spidermanwoman. 7/10
Xtina went as a skeleton with matching child. Pretty cute - 4/10

I Take Myself Seriously

Ri Ri's Chic Edge

But will she regret it in coming years?
It's kinda gross right?

Riroo 4 Italian Vogie

Sharp urban singer gets 'edgy' on cover for Italian zine. Ri has once again walked the familiar line to they future; got some shoulder pads, metallics and angles working. At least her button face is looking fun and her bung eye has made it's way in the direction of her good eye.

Where Ma Ladies @

Kelis was in labour for afew years and popped a boy then got rewarded 50,000 a month from Nas so was stoked with her lot in life.
Lil K turned 34 (cheers to another 20 yrz in the industry sexy) so had a bash in Miami. She wore her weave up.
Riri made shock waves by wearing all black to the Inglorious Bastards premier in London. Fashionistas (as they do) are praising the look, but fail to see the genius in Lil Kim's looks.
Halle Berry wore a sarong to Whitney Huston's album listening. Since when do they even know each other? or is this sisterhood Im looking at?
Solange (pron Soul-An-Geh) took blade to hair then covered it in a wig. All in one day. Such a typical regret - they cut it off then want the feel of long silky hair cascading over their shoulders. Its such a common turn-back-time saga where you wish life was ACTUALLY like Gwenyth Paltrow's Sliding Doors.

Rihanna & Chris; Then & Now

Yes thats the happy duo on the back of a banana boat. Ain't life like that, one day theres an inflatable yellow device lodged between your thighs and the next day your mans introducing fist to forehead. But knowing Chris he's just heaps into dancing and with all those 'mooves' it'd be hard not to hit Rihannas target (massive forehead). Naa I'm just trying to be optimistic, when in reality they had a little tiff, as you do, and Chris's passion for life and hot blooded nature got a little krazy and he went Ali on a chick. For some reason I'm still really thirsty for some pix, we all wanna see the Umbrella hit-maker with some colourful shades of magenta, violet and mustard in places her makeup artist wouldn't usually opt for. And who fucken knows, will all the junk you see in fashion-land these days the humble bruise could be an (understandably) Autumn look. My only suggestion would be to make sure they are really colourful, cute and in places people will notice - try between the eyes Chris.