Khloe Needs Our Help!

In a very real live vs death moment, Khloe Kardashian has turned to her loyal and supportive fans to choose a stylish swimming cap for her London Olympics trials.

First up is the black, and let me begin with saying I love black on Khloe. It gives her that Catwoman vibe that says "don't fuck with me or I'll whinge constantly about it".

Secondly is her racially insensitive tribal print, which I think might actually be a better fit because its ugly and distracting, and guys like that.

Crap From The Past Week

Kim tried to prove she was gangster because nothing gets the minorities going like some cornrows.

Katy Perry's make-up-less photo still impresses me, its burnt on my brain and I want a tattoo of it.

Facebook has really learnt my ins and outs - the adds are now responding to my taste buds, how did they know Mexican is one of my top 3 international fav flavs?

Family

How they all came out of the same vagina I will never know.

Best Dressed

So Halloween breezed by afew days ago, and I cant help but think that every year it becomes a bigger and bigger deal. And by bigger I mean less clothes. So while every man and their dog went as Catwoman, an Avatar or a sexy version of a mundane occupation, I'm giving my award of best dressed to Snoop, who kept it cute:

And heres our fav ho who went as her period:

2010's Answer To The Brady Bunch

The talentless fuckfest that calls itself Kardashian continues to parade around sponsored events, airports and fat free food chains. It's a sad day when they wheel our your birthday cake and it's got a logo on the side. I wouldn't say you've sold your soul to the devil, but I'd say there is definitely a price on everything from the walls of your uterus to the trust between you and your own mother... Yowch... Who am I kidding... I love these fuckheads and I'm the one that would pay to smell their hair and get them to sign my boobs.

Miss E Out & About

So there was some event called Black Girls Rock or something, where all my homegirls performed and fluffed around in a venue for afew healthy hours.

Missy was handed some award that she'll be sure to plow her back yard with.

Heres Ciara giving Miss the award...

And here they are having a party mo together later. Who do you find sexier because I'm leaning towards Miss, for obvious reasons (the hair).

And because nobody can leave their bedrooms without running into a Kardashian these grim days, Kim was within arms length, smiling, dancing and blowing something.

The Art Edition... Or Some Shit

So while I'm open to the idea of there being a post-postmodern form of art, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Kim's dropped her dacks again and exploited the few talents her name has to offer. But because she's done it for Art's sake, this time its OK to show the images to your kids.

The infamous arse even Sir Mix-a-Lot had second thoughts over.

So do we like or do we hate? Biologically confused?

My final verdict is that I like Kim, not as much as Khloe obviously. I give her credit for lingering like the smell of fish long after her dairy's expiry date, and give her more credit for finding new aspects of her bland self to sell to us. She is both a beautiful rare gem and an off cut of whore who likes a needle in between her eyes and a dick in her left hand... all whilst a boom microphone hangs within volumes reach.

Definitive Beauty?

Once upon a time the planets trashy fantasy girl was called Pammy Anderson, nowadays hormonal & disgruntled teens are leaning about their sexuality via Kim Kardashian, and the repressed sexual tension that is Twilight. I just wanna winge about Kim. Firstly I love a fame whore, and people being more famous for their low IQs than any obvious skills. These people are deities in a world overpopulated with normal, smart types.. aka Hemorrhoid Granger. But lately I'm having afew healthy probs with Kim's face; me smells a rat! I know she's in a polygamous relationship with the plastic surgeons of the Wood, but I'm thinking she's crossed the line from 'prettay lady' to 'does it move'. Now all I see are some slimy puffed lips, a botox-lowered brow, a sleep-with-a-peg-on-it nose, which has all been topped with a permanent layer of wind shield, sun resistant, house paint. Lets be friends!

Konfidence

So the worlds most beloved gal, Khloe Kardashian (fuck Kim and Kortney... boo) posted some sexy snaps on her blog and watch as some creeps get all 'i wuv woo' in her face.

Hope you can read that because it's more fucked that that internet video of some eastern european girl throwing newborn puppies in a river.

Good on you, your 13, your really aiming high with those dreams of yours. Shithole.

Thanx Khole

If you didn't know the Kardashians are actually the tightest sisterhood on the globe. So when Khloe misses Kim its only natural for her to post over a dozen snaps from the families albums.

The time they learnt to pout like The Veronicas.

The time Khloe fell asleep on Kim's pudding.

Sex ed.

The time Khloe drugged Kim then left her in the sun for 3 days. Lol

Loves

Dont ask me to explain why some cows get the hate treatment and others get put in my homegirl box, I can't help the way my heart pulls. Anyway my favorite Kardashian is by far Khloe, because she looks a little bit like Elvis and a little bit like Venus Williams. Plus she's always keepin me in the loop with cute blog pics and updates that make my less meaningful.

Aging For The Sake Of It

So Madonna accidentally left the house this August and people have decided she's celebrating her aging process.

Aside from the kudos she received for lookin pretty human, I was more flustered by Lourdes' face, which appears to be a healthy blend of teenage confusion with styling advice from Mum's third-in-charge assistant. I'm thinking little Lourdes had a sexy look in mind and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the modern day family of gods, not Zeus and his lot, I'm talking about The Kardashians.

Who wouldn't want to pay to look like this lot?! Personally I identify with Khloe, because she's big and vulgar in a really really cute & fun way.

So Impressive!

THIS WAS THE BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!!!