Brand New Me

Its. Faith. Hill. 

Great Skirt

It's easy to forget about Paris when she's busy doing cheap club appearances in irrelevant countries below the equator. That said, some stoners have hallucinated the above image and live to tell stories about her neo-tribal inspired fashions. A skirt woven by Satan, sunnies stolen from Nicky and accessories found at a Uni Avatar-themed party - this girl is from another time; one that will never exist. On another note, Parris's BFF is rocking that black trackie, the hint of purple complements the traffic cone he is following. 

In Tha News

So this was a few weeks back but what can you expect from a blog that's run by a furby?

Everytime anything to do with Snooki hits the news I'm always so keen to read. Something about her name makes me feel like I'm in the future where we all go by new mutant names and compete in hungry games. This is a particularly gripping headline and it practically reads like a chapter of the bible, only hotter. It's also cute how they talk about her like a real person. 

In Tha News

I have always believed that ignoring the news is the most selfish and lazy thing a human could do. Why keep yourself uneducated, uninformed and out of the loop! This notion keeps me on my toes at all times, ready to jump out of bed in the night should a a core shaking headline roll in. The Murdoch clan and I may not be so dissimilar after all. With this in mind I bring todays headlines to you, via Ninemsn, who always have me gasping for breath after hearing what hasn't been going on in the Middle East, but in our very own back yard.

I just hope Harris Farm stocks enough tomatoes for me to resolve how I feel about this.

Hermione Takes No Prisoners!

Somewhere in (potentially) South America, a clever little man with a hairy back keeps outdoing his internet spamming attempts. He never makes them too easy for us though, and I've often had to pull out an encyclopaedia to answer his tricky ass questions. You should see the tower of ipods I have won off these things!

Which one is Diana?

Still Here?

It's literally been years since I've thought of these two, and the dry taste I get in my mouth when I think of them. Oddly they're still alive! And he (being over 60) continues to look like 'generic old man' and she, a fan of the eternal frozen face and the garden rake physique, continues to look like an unofficial, life-sized, synthetic Ally Mcbeal doll - made in Taiwan. The love however, is real, because a love like this is not too good to be true, it's artificial, so it must be real - and like anything plastic, this will take over a billion years to break down. After biological warfare wipes us all out, the dinosaurs return then die again, alien humanoids will rummage through earths crust - discovering my primary school lunch box, water bottles marked 'frantelle' and Calista and Harrison, creeping along arm in arm and as bloody boring as ever.

Move Over Picasso

So we all know that although absolutely minted, 50 Cent's career as a rapper looks like an old candy cane that is not longer crunchy, but more so a unattractive chewy stick.

And any failing musician that can remember their myspace password knows the key to a comeback is some underground internet hype, so a mixtape was in order. 50 got to work, produced some shit I wont listen too, but has really hit a sweet note with his cover art; great use of the bum crack as the mouth of a tiger, I've never thought of it that way but will try to do so in the future. And very fitting for the track title, a tiger assed woman is the antipode of a girl that has lost her inhibitions and now eats her morning toast with her anus.

2012 And Lovin' It

So lets examine some celebs on NYE! Just how did the rich and famous do it??

After hours of trying, Riri finally managed to get a secret snap of the parties worst dressed; Ms Blonde Cornrows 2012, you treasure!

Theres nothing important to say about Beiber when the World is having one of its rare glimpses at Pitbull sans sunnies. He looks like a friend's gross dad, or maybe someone that plays a saxophone at the local pub.

Chrissy Idea #1

Ayy Shakira Shakira!

Still?

Lucky to know she's holding on in there!

Has She No Morals?

You'd never guess but the most expensive thing about this entire promotion was the bottled water they drank at the photo shoot. Actually you would guess, everything else was found in a bin then glued together, Xtina included.

Khloe Needs Our Help!

In a very real live vs death moment, Khloe Kardashian has turned to her loyal and supportive fans to choose a stylish swimming cap for her London Olympics trials.

First up is the black, and let me begin with saying I love black on Khloe. It gives her that Catwoman vibe that says "don't fuck with me or I'll whinge constantly about it".

Secondly is her racially insensitive tribal print, which I think might actually be a better fit because its ugly and distracting, and guys like that.

Date/Fuck/Marry - Who Would You?

I don't care how wealthy he is, that Mark Zukerberg character is a leech out of Hell who must be stopped at any cost. Sure I saw and hated The Social Network, who didn't, it's also gave me a resentment for rich, socially repulsive nerds.

And it should be pretty obvious what we should all want to do to Snoop Dogg.

How To Recognise An Idiot... By Their Leg

... yeh and I'm the smell of your clothes 3 days after it rained on them and they begun to mould. Oh so romantic.

So Captivating

She may look like she fell into a pot of oil then went for a 100km walk in the desert, but I think Katie has never looked better!