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Firstly this was really exciting. As if a cold splash of water isn't exciting. More importantly is the pale pink nip slip, which has baby calfs worldwide hungry for Lohan. And even more importantly, (because fashion is like air to the malnourished under-confident internet population) are Lohan's accessories for the situation. We've got some of that timeless turquoise plastic coral shit, which although the scum of the beading community, is a must for any tan blonde on a sandy surface. Next we've got a holy cross ring - hot - because nothing is more relevant than an outdated religion that is now the bread and butter of fashionista cattle. Top this look off with some bangles (a gift from the designer) and a pair of sunglasses - worn in the waves as a metaphor for Lindsay's resilience to her ever challenging surroundings. Overall she's hit an 8.5/10 in my fashion critique, some regrowth would have got her a 9, and another 2 weeks in the sun to darken her freckles will push things to a 10.

In other breaking news a monkey hugged a pigeon and I love it. I wont send money to many charities but if someone will start a program to domesticate the monkey I'm keen to give away 10% of my earnings.

So while the Spice Girls have transitioned into their watered down current selves (The Porridge Girls?) we can still worship girl groups knowing that Destiny's Child could potentially still play the part. That is if Tina Knowles (dah dum!) still has another 600 metres of her infamous flesh toned fabric (1 million metres for 20 bucks when Beyonce was born - who's laughing!) to craft the girls more 1 shouldered, high necked, backless bodysuits. Also a massive hurdle to their reformation is Kelly's longer hair, if she's to play the part (and help us tell them apart) we'll need it to be 5cm long with red tips. Non negotiable. And Michelle... well I hear Ciara is out of work - nobody will know, and those that do will be the same ones that know where she's buried.