Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Dear Dr. Google

So for like the past 24 hours I've been bloated! I dunno if it was the full on dinner I made last night but srsly! It's got me feeling all kinds of baby bump. Got me thinking; maybe there's some kind of asian herb (in my kitchen) or a simple stand-on-your-head remedy. ?!?!?!?!?

Anyway, so I went to drop a self diagnosis session with my GP, Dr. Google. Optimistically typed in 'bloated' to my fav search engine and up comes a thousand professional sounding responses, they even have comments from other bloaters (my peers) and what they did to shoot out their phantom pregnancies. Basically Dr. G says I've got a life threatening cross combination of everything from swallowing too much air when I eat to irritable bowel syndrome. Ulcers of the intestine variety are also a very real possibility.

'Joe from Gilbert' says peppermint oil is the answer. Sadly Joe didn't say how much to drink so I've just swooshed a sprig of thyme (had no p'mint) around a bowl of olive oil and drunk the lot. Now I'm listening to Miley Cyrus and waiting for my bump to go down. Tick Tock!


  1. hey a, i too suffer from this fucked up unspoken affliction sometimes. ill give you some hot tips.
    drink heaps of pepermint tea,
    dont drink real tea,

    hope this heals the problem.

  2. Yo Virgo!

    I would love to stock your print zines! can you email me at so I can send you the consignment form and my details! My distro is starting up for Queensland and I want Virgo in it! Elouise