VIRGO

Hermione Takes No Prisoners!

2012-01-19T23:42:00.002+11:00

Somewhere in (potentially) South America, a clever little man with a hairy back keeps outdoing his internet spamming attempts. He never makes them too easy for us though, and I've often had to pull out an encyclopaedia to answer his tricky ass questions. You should see the tower of ipods I have won off these things!

Which one is Diana?

Still Here?

2012-01-17T01:34:00.003+11:00

It's literally been years since I've thought of these two, and the dry taste I get in my mouth when I think of them. Oddly they're still alive! And he (being over 60) continues to look like 'generic old man' and she, a fan of the eternal frozen face and the garden rake physique, continues to look like an unofficial, life-sized, synthetic Ally Mcbeal doll - made in Taiwan. The love however, is real, because a love like this is not too good to be true, it's artificial, so it must be real - and like anything plastic, this will take over a billion years to break down. After biological warfare wipes us all out, the dinosaurs return then die again, alien humanoids will rummage through earths crust - discovering my primary school lunch box, water bottles marked 'frantelle' and Calista and Harrison, creeping along arm in arm and as bloody boring as ever.

Move Over Picasso

2012-01-03T22:10:00.002+11:00

So we all know that although absolutely minted, 50 Cent's career as a rapper looks like an old candy cane that is not longer crunchy, but more so a unattractive chewy stick.

And any failing musician that can remember their myspace password knows the key to a comeback is some underground internet hype, so a mixtape was in order. 50 got to work, produced some shit I wont listen too, but has really hit a sweet note with his cover art; great use of the bum crack as the mouth of a tiger, I've never thought of it that way but will try to do so in the future. And very fitting for the track title, a tiger assed woman is the antipode of a girl that has lost her inhibitions and now eats her morning toast with her anus.

2012 And Lovin' It

2012-01-02T21:42:00.003+11:00

So lets examine some celebs on NYE! Just how did the rich and famous do it??

After hours of trying, Riri finally managed to get a secret snap of the parties worst dressed; Ms Blonde Cornrows 2012, you treasure!

Theres nothing important to say about Beiber when the World is having one of its rare glimpses at Pitbull sans sunnies. He looks like a friend's gross dad, or maybe someone that plays a saxophone at the local pub.

Chrissy Idea #1

2011-11-28T02:05:00.000+11:00

Ayy Shakira Shakira!

Still?

2011-11-16T01:48:00.000+11:00

Lucky to know she's holding on in there!

Has She No Morals?

2011-10-05T00:30:00.002+11:00

You'd never guess but the most expensive thing about this entire promotion was the bottled water they drank at the photo shoot. Actually you would guess, everything else was found in a bin then glued together, Xtina included.

Khloe Needs Our Help!

2011-10-04T16:34:00.002+11:00

In a very real live vs death moment, Khloe Kardashian has turned to her loyal and supportive fans to choose a stylish swimming cap for her London Olympics trials.

First up is the black, and let me begin with saying I love black on Khloe. It gives her that Catwoman vibe that says "don't fuck with me or I'll whinge constantly about it".

Secondly is her racially insensitive tribal print, which I think might actually be a better fit because its ugly and distracting, and guys like that.

Date/Fuck/Marry - Who Would You?

2011-10-02T01:26:00.002+10:00

I don't care how wealthy he is, that Mark Zukerberg character is a leech out of Hell who must be stopped at any cost. Sure I saw and hated The Social Network, who didn't, it's also gave me a resentment for rich, socially repulsive nerds.

And it should be pretty obvious what we should all want to do to Snoop Dogg.

How To Recognise An Idiot... By Their Leg

2011-10-02T01:21:00.003+10:00

... yeh and I'm the smell of your clothes 3 days after it rained on them and they begun to mould. Oh so romantic.

So Captivating

2011-10-02T01:16:00.003+10:00

She may look like she fell into a pot of oil then went for a 100km walk in the desert, but I think Katie has never looked better!

And The Sexiest Man Alive Is...

2011-09-26T00:16:00.002+10:00

...easily not David Guetta.

Leather pants, mesh top, witchy poo cape and his wife Cathy Guetta's spare weave and we have got ourself something that warrants the return of medieval torture!

Blame The Cookie!

2011-09-21T03:31:00.005+10:00

Now this is a real treat. It's not everyday something comes along that makes you realised just how far we have come since evolving from apes. And what we have evolved into more recently - idiots.

Written and directed by a wombat!

Who Are These Moms?

2011-08-25T23:58:00.002+10:00

On one hand the baby looks terrified/what fool would click this link, on the other $7,487 (and not a dollar more) a month sounds hot. Too bad I'm not a mommy.

Insert Me Here!

2011-08-16T01:32:00.003+10:00

2 precious gems in 1 intimate booth-style dining setting! And where was I?! What adorable smiles and radiant faces, and what sexy DNA. I'm obsessed with this pairing, minus the ghost orb coming in from the left... Tupac?

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

2011-08-16T01:29:00.002+10:00

More From Riri's Vacay!

2011-08-16T01:21:00.004+10:00

Because nothing says party like a beer, a pool noodle, and an expression that reads 'whats going onnn?'

And if there is one form of sport I think when I hear Riri's name its banana boat. She addicted!

So they dragged her out to sea, untied the raft and left her there overnight (lolz).

Come baaaaaaaaack! Not funny guyssssssssss!

How Riri Spent Her Weekend

2011-08-02T23:59:00.003+10:00

We allll think to ourselves every Friday "guess it's the weekend... lets leave the house for a risky change" however the Only Girl in the world has taken that concept heaps further.

She's hired a costume, drunk the potent off milk from the fridge, and taken to the streets.

The rest is blurry hot mess, at least that's what she thinks happened. Ask the man with the cornrows and you'll get another story; '... she crawled around on all 4s making goat noises then bought everyone something from Pie Face, really nice girl..'

Whoops!

2011-08-02T23:54:00.001+10:00

I forgot to blog about the royal wedding!

Locked Inside

2011-08-02T23:49:00.002+10:00

This kind of shit will happen when you breed freaky stupid fans that follow you into rooms and lock the door behind them. Should never have told them they were born that way.

Vomit

2011-07-01T17:34:00.001+10:00

High brow kiddie models; waaaaaaaay gross. If these 6 were my kids I'd start screaming and throwing mud at them.

Lookin 4 Werk

2011-06-21T23:07:00.002+10:00

Sadly there comes a time when y'all want some more moolah and begging just isn't an option. Hot clothes wont buy themselves and you can't afford as many strippers as you'd like. Robbing a bank is the only way out, only because the SHIT on seek.com is more painful than slicing your hand off slowly with a cheese grater. Imagine... now seek;

'the epitome of elegance'... lets think about that as I reach for a blade...

Say fashion once more and I'll apply!

Im crying...

Groovey should have been written out of the english language a long time ago...

BARF BARF BARF.

I Spy Tina Knowels!

2011-06-13T15:52:00.003+10:00

29 years later and still Tina keeps close on the heels of her bill payer.

Tina Tina Tinaaaaaaa! Surely shes going to the oversized luggage collection to pick up her sewing machine and infamous roll of beige fabric; she's got this idea for a bodysuit that would look great...

Don't Forget!

2011-06-07T17:11:00.001+10:00

Eggs, milk, bread, and yogurt for mum!

Looking For An Exit?

2011-06-01T02:06:00.002+10:00

Poor Britney. Someone send her back to the farm and teach her how to chew grass.

The Latest News!

2011-06-01T01:37:00.005+10:00

Firstly this was really exciting. As if a cold splash of water isn't exciting. More importantly is the pale pink nip slip, which has baby calfs worldwide hungry for Lohan. And even more importantly, (because fashion is like air to the malnourished under-confident internet population) are Lohan's accessories for the situation. We've got some of that timeless turquoise plastic coral shit, which although the scum of the beading community, is a must for any tan blonde on a sandy surface. Next we've got a holy cross ring - hot - because nothing is more relevant than an outdated religion that is now the bread and butter of fashionista cattle. Top this look off with some bangles (a gift from the designer) and a pair of sunglasses - worn in the waves as a metaphor for Lindsay's resilience to her ever challenging surroundings. Overall she's hit an 8.5/10 in my fashion critique, some regrowth would have got her a 9, and another 2 weeks in the sun to darken her freckles will push things to a 10.

In other breaking news a monkey hugged a pigeon and I love it. I wont send money to many charities but if someone will start a program to domesticate the monkey I'm keen to give away 10% of my earnings.

So while the Spice Girls have transitioned into their watered down current selves (The Porridge Girls?) we can still worship girl groups knowing that Destiny's Child could potentially still play the part. That is if Tina Knowles (dah dum!) still has another 600 metres of her infamous flesh toned fabric (1 million metres for 20 bucks when Beyonce was born - who's laughing!) to craft the girls more 1 shouldered, high necked, backless bodysuits. Also a massive hurdle to their reformation is Kelly's longer hair, if she's to play the part (and help us tell them apart) we'll need it to be 5cm long with red tips. Non negotiable. And Michelle... well I hear Ciara is out of work - nobody will know, and those that do will be the same ones that know where she's buried.

Best Dressed Goes Too...

2011-05-23T20:41:00.002+10:00

Figure hugging, sexy, fash-forward, and well accessorised.

Headline Of The Week!

2011-05-14T15:33:00.001+10:00

Text Mum! Does she know!

Hot Looks From The Met Ball

2011-05-03T22:06:00.003+10:00

So they do this thing every year and it NEVER fails to amuse. It's like the Oscars on steroids - with every stylist in town locked in a dungeon somewhere.

Riri continues the evolution of her hair. Gaga may be able to reinvent daily, but NOBODY works a wack red mop like the Only girl in the world.

Solange continues to chase the illusive theme of 'the future'. Without too much aluminium foil she's convincing me that We Are Not Alone. She's also getting good use out of Kelly Rowland's old face.

Straight from the hospital (surely?) this junkie has managed to staple her face back and is really working the hell out of an old $10 Salvos bridal dress. A painted on cleavage and punched face never looked so amusing.

This troll has decided polyester satin is the height of sophistication but kept her look 'youthful' by adding a faux baby bump (4 steamed cauliflowers and you'll bloat your way to twins). Timeless, ageless and biologically impossible (repeat 3 times every morning and night).

With a long list of talents to her name, Beyonce's skills have let her down at the stairs (again! - the invite said ground floor only!!! ergh!!) But luckily 2 immigrants were able to hoist the superstar up in full view of the paparazzi. 3, 2, 1, and lifffffffffft!

Stupid Fool

2011-04-27T02:45:00.003+10:00

So we all know the internet throws some pretty funky adds our way every now and again, but this 'funny tees' business is a real punch in the eye. Painful in every way imaginable, they've hired some girl-next-door type, put her in one of their hilarious tees, and called their business intelligent. I cant just call her a slut and that be that, I'm more offended. Other points of complaint; the urban brick wall - maybe she's some sassy law student - makes me hate it more. The t-shirt itself was offensive enough to blog about, what rock-n-roll lovin fool would go there? ... probably the 35+ pub music crowd. Yuck. On a final note, why does this add look like it was originally crafted as the latest quit smoking campaign? Its that burnt paper crap up the top and sudden stomach lurch you get when you see it. Score: 0/100.

Finally Some News Worth Blogging!

2011-04-24T21:22:00.002+10:00

And by that I mean 2 people I don't know (but would surely get along greatly with) doing absolutely nothing.

Barbie and Britney got their promo on, and took Brits out for what could potentially be some kind of proactiv skin care campaign. Why else would she have pulled her hair back and declared herself good to go? Oh that's right she's a cheap rabbit with the inhibitions of a toddler so why wouldn't she go with what the sparkly metallic chip in her head says. Regardlessly, she looked stunning - print all of these out, blu-tac them up above your bed, and your dreams will be the same as they were before.

Hugs are fun.

Then the gals tweeted out a pic, fans couldn't (but actually could) believe their eyes.

Yeh Me Too

2011-04-22T14:52:00.001+10:00

Devil Woman

2011-04-18T16:04:00.001+10:00

So it sucks. I've turned the cold shoulder and am now the leader of the opposition. I've got my people working against this right now.

To think you could get away with this crap as your cover art... a fool.

Suddenly 300

2011-04-03T02:14:00.001+11:00

When Will She Pop?

2011-03-31T00:35:00.003+11:00

3 years in the making and finally Mariah is due to pop at any moment. True to form she's kept her figure out of every photo for the past 6 months, we've seen everything but her twin bearing bod. So after multiple twitpics of her dog clan, all nicely showcasing her $10 (but actually 10 mill) butterfly ring, we finally get the above shot... and have you ever seen a more symmetrical circle!

It's nice to know one of pop's finest divas is not only gigantic, but also giggling as a poorly paid assistant paints like a child on her stomach. Perfection.

Hence Proving My Point That Everyone* Looks Better Bald

2011-03-29T00:48:00.001+11:00

*Everyone being shitholes

Where Can I Get Mine?

2011-03-29T00:45:00.001+11:00

Who doesn't want to look and feel like a million dollars?

Google Suggests

2011-03-22T21:39:00.002+11:00

What IDIOTS.

Are these really humanities most desired activities? What does that say about us? We are officially talentless, fat, unemployed, insufficient, and hungry for more pancakes.

Stupid People That Do Stupid Things

2011-03-22T19:56:00.002+11:00

And not a penny less!

Next Halloween

2011-03-21T00:35:00.002+11:00

Option 1; Naughty Cindy Brady

Option 2; Lovable Carol

Option 3; Kooky Alice

So basically your fucked.

This Is Pretty Special

2011-03-20T16:22:00.002+11:00

The original Kelly, Michelle and Beyonce grabbing a bite to eat.

???

2011-03-20T16:18:00.002+11:00

Is that David Guetta with 50 Cent or is it the axe murderer from my dreams?

Yeh Why Not

2011-03-20T16:15:00.004+11:00

Kids learn about these things alot younger nowadays. Suri likes the red ones best, and picks the greens out for mum.

She's Good At What She Does

2011-03-16T01:01:00.001+11:00

Beach twists are back! (Did they ever leave!) And the big cup accessory is as timeless as Chanel.

This Kills Me

2011-03-16T00:58:00.003+11:00

Everywhere I look this slimy face is heaving out of a swimming pool. After a quick slap across my face I usually get over it, but it's not long till he's back for another scarring check in.

Lol

2011-03-12T17:34:00.000+11:00

Remember these clowns and how the whole of Australia threw up instantaneously.

Kimmy So Irresistible

2011-03-12T17:28:00.002+11:00

I bet Prada is rethinking their latest choices when the see what Kim's wearing. Fashions eternal 'it' girl has once again reminded us what true style is, hinting that on-trend this month (once again) is the latex cowgirl look and absolutely anything that references Fran Drescher.

Such A Tribute

2011-03-12T17:22:00.002+11:00

So the story goes like this; some creep loves the Julia Roberts heaps (believable enough) but because he got the crazy gene, he's taken it that 5 steps to far and got that big mouth inked everywhere.

Julia in a hat, check. Julia in her sunnies, check. Julia looking like her beautiful self, check.

AND he knows how to pose!

Ah Shit

2011-03-11T02:27:00.001+11:00

4 real.

Get Tha Money

2011-03-11T02:21:00.003+11:00

You loved her in that show about old men dick, now lets watch her salsa!

Kendra's sniffed out the next pay check and this one finally required she brush her hair before going on air. Boy she better win the series because I'm completely emotionally connected to the idea - her happiness is mine... (how did that happen?)

Can't wait for the hip hop episode!

She Look Good

2011-03-11T02:18:00.001+11:00

Gwens bringing the money on her latest Elle cover. Too bad the interns went out on an 'arty' leg and flipped the image sideways, whatta neck twist!

5 Hours Later And They Finally Got The Shot!

2011-03-05T15:25:00.000+11:00

Get This Look

2011-03-05T14:38:00.002+11:00

The hottest look this Mardi Gras has got to be the black swan. Not only is in easy on the coin (how much does a ripped stocking cost?) but it's hell seductive. Food dye comes in handy when trying to get your eyes the right shade of daemonic red. Get a friend to draw on your wing-eyes, it'd be too embarrassing getting those wrong. Top off with a tiara made from aluminum foil and a tu tu made from a bed sheet and plastic bags. Good to go!

Beyonce's Burnt Face

2011-02-26T01:26:00.002+11:00

Knowelsy has put her head too close to the fireplace for the last time!

What Do You Like To Wake Up To In The Morning?

2011-02-24T00:47:00.000+11:00

Get Off Meeeee

2011-02-15T01:28:00.002+11:00

Its common knowledge that Willow Smith is the current biggest brat around Hollywood. She's the child star who left school at age 9 and has since taken her illiterate self into the glitz and glam. Without discipline and a basic math knowledge Willow runs free.

A Day In The Life Of

2011-02-14T03:48:00.002+11:00

We all know Katy Perry is famous for being a creep, and she never fails to keep us embarrassed on her behalf. The girl has got the sense of humor of a chipmunk and isn't afraid to pull a classically 'funny face'. Laughing yet?

Taco taco taco!

The Body

2011-02-14T03:46:00.001+11:00

This body was a machine! A powerhouse of red American meat!

Whoops

2011-02-10T01:30:00.002+11:00

A hectic day in the news, guess they couldn't report on Indonesia, Gaza and Egypt forever.

Quiet like the facial expression.

Spot The Difference

2011-02-07T00:00:00.001+11:00

One is a now famous comedian, the other is a style icon and Olympic worthy athlete.

Wedding Of The Week

2011-02-01T15:49:00.003+11:00

So Britney's found her way into a turquoise dress and slipped down the isle at the wedding of a pal. She didn't do her hair or make-up because she thought she'd done her part by creating the stunning flower pieces from roadside weeds.

I can't explain why there is red radiating from her eyes, or why her neck is wider than her head like a rugby players.

Looks aside, it was no doubt a stellar wedding, Britney could wear a polar-fleece jumpsuit to my wedding and I'd still let her outshine the entire event.

Precious Moments

2011-01-27T00:52:00.001+11:00

She was more scared of him.

Clowny Towny

2011-01-27T00:50:00.001+11:00

Kylie & Dannii hit up the clubs!

You Learn Something New Every... Month

2011-01-23T03:44:00.000+11:00

I'll Buy The Lot

2011-01-20T01:39:00.003+11:00

For about 20 years Gwen has been reapplying her rouge lips so I guess it's about time she ca$h in and flogg some lippy.

A Real He-She!

2011-01-20T01:13:00.001+11:00

Now I don't know what I'm attracted too!

Kim Busy

2011-01-20T01:10:00.001+11:00

It's hard being young, rich, beautiful, talented and famous... and then you met Lil' Kim!

Im Curious...

2011-01-20T00:47:00.003+11:00

Something about farming has long attracted the drifting souls of the internet. A virtual strawberry patch has won the hearts of many online crop growers and the prospect of milking an avatar cow is the fulfillment many browsers fantasize over.

Somehow this little piggy grew not so little tits, but that only indicates the internets need to sexualize everything so the geeks remember the hormones in their bodies. A well endowed duck is quiet the fantasy!

Do Them All You Stupid Shit

2011-01-20T00:37:00.004+11:00

So Billboard did some revolutionary photoshopping and put together a bunch of hot-nu-looks for that Beiber nut. Sadly they left out the rainbow curly clown wig (always a massive LOL) but what they have achieved is a wonderful spectrum of lavish looks. Will the hairdressing world ever be the same? I simply do not know!

And my personal fav:

My point is Bald is always Best. Take every hair of the human head and you'll always find the truth (ugly face vs pretty face). The negative of this is you'll always find some revolting moles and maybe even a birthmark. Disgusting right!?!?

Thats The Look Right There

2011-01-14T02:35:00.002+11:00

Without really wanting to explain correctly what is going on, I'm merrily proclaiming the new 1 eye only make-up as not only a formidable fashion but also a bloody timesaver. Ladies of the world can now be ready in half their usual time and look uber trendy in the process.

Doesn't she look thrilled! Sit back and watch the boys swoon! Just don't be too confused when he loves one half of you more. Developing a split personality and only shaving 1 leg is also an option... silly I know but thats the krazy life of a harajuku girl!

Music Is My Passion Too

2011-01-11T04:39:00.000+11:00

Kim Get That Money

2011-01-11T03:26:00.003+11:00

So Kim wooshed in the New Year on a fancy new wig note. Looking the definition of stunning.

Then Kim put her 'white girl' face on and filmed a video clip. Can't say I'm not a bit boggled as to where her eyes end and her lips start. Oh Kimmy!

A New Definition For The Word Sexy

2011-01-11T01:17:00.004+11:00

For years now people have called Fergie (aka the original Crazed Ho) sexy, and I'm always a bit 'yer right' about it. Somehow the Crazed Ho keeps finding herself in situations where she's required to wear lace and look like a pretty fantasy babe. The Tron'esque backdrops havent helped. So while I've pointed the finger and screamed, I'm ready to take my words back. The above video, especially the sexy little cherry stalk twist has me thinking Fergie is now sexier than winning lotto.

Crap From The Past Week

2011-01-09T04:00:00.002+11:00

Kim tried to prove she was gangster because nothing gets the minorities going like some cornrows.

Katy Perry's make-up-less photo still impresses me, its burnt on my brain and I want a tattoo of it.

Facebook has really learnt my ins and outs - the adds are now responding to my taste buds, how did they know Mexican is one of my top 3 international fav flavs?

Family

2011-01-07T03:30:00.003+11:00

How they all came out of the same vagina I will never know.

2011

2011-01-06T02:33:00.001+11:00

Nicki showed stupid people how to accessorize your NYE perfectly.

Have more fun?!

Looks Alright

2011-01-06T02:29:00.002+11:00

But is it to be believed that she really looks like this? Yeh ok... why not I've always loved Posh and one of finest character traits is gullibility.

In the mag she talks about having two blobs of silicon taken out of the skin pockets behind her breasts, and while she knows in her heart aliens put them there, she didn't want to sound silly, so she told the mag she was born with them and that she has got the photos to prove it.

More Captivating Shit From The World Wide Web

2010-12-30T19:09:00.002+11:00

Me loves the internet and the wack shit it hides.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Save the Queen! Where and when!

And also the usual;

Very appealing offer, and the fact that she's outgoing is just what I need these days, I'm not gonna pay to fly her over just so we can watch telly, this bitch better take me fishing too, and make jokes on que, and always be sexy because I'm paying for it.

What Kim Did Next

2010-12-30T18:26:00.005+11:00

NYC's littlest hustla has used her beef with Nicki Minaj to get busay on the scene and see rea$on to make new mu$ic. Kim get that dolla.

But until we hear the new album, Kim's gotta buy groceries, and when all you eat is gold, silver, diamonds and hospital grade silicon it's kinda hard to live off government support. So Kim's gotta dust of her plether jacket and hit da clubs.

Which isn't too hard because Kim loves the clubs, and the gays love her, so the two usually line up and Kim can afford to eat the fat out of her bum for another night.

Pretty cute right *waves back*

Counting how many drinks she's had and if driving home is a good idea.

And jumping on the stage for a worship session (if you accidentally grab somthing and it comes off Kim lets you keep it, one fan took home a fingernail).

On another note can we please talk about Kim's hat. Cute, sassy and fash forward, that thing has me wishing Christmas comes twice.

Even More Pretty Than The Original!

2010-12-24T02:55:00.003+11:00

Although not sure why you would ever do this, I'm hyped at the opportunity.

Her Fans Will Love This

2010-12-24T02:53:00.001+11:00

Mary Kate does her best to look like she comes from Melbourne.

It's Christmas Time!

2010-12-23T00:30:00.003+11:00

Just in case you noticed but chose not too (like me) we have got to face the music and acknowledge that it might be that time of year again. But unlike another 'special time' there is no pad or tampon for this reoccurring boo boo.

Something To Prove

2010-12-21T03:22:00.002+11:00

On one hand I'd love to be fit, 60 and on telly, on the other hand I'm thinking bingo is a better idea.

Clip Of The Year! Clip Of The Year!

2010-12-18T15:39:00.010+11:00

It's not everyday we get a music video worth posting, hell I couldn't event be bothered to learn how to 'embed' even when I was all hyperactive about Gaga's Telephone coming out. And when I found that hilarious clip of a monkey pissing into his own mouth... still I was to lazy to embed. But now (praise Jesus or a significantly sexy deity) Mariah has come to the multimedia rescue and I've gone to all the trouble of finding a 'code', and posting a youtube clip. What can I say; people CAN change!

Now for the clip, it is heaven, it is nirvana, it is bigger than life itself. Basically this is my (and consequentially your) happy place. When life gets you down, the bus driver calls you a raging cunt, or you find yourself compatible for the paralympics, watch this, and all is good.

I don't know why the world hasn't replaced Santa asap because we now have an even better version of a 'big, jolly, insane, hairy madman' that delivers fun shit at xmas.

So Prettay!

2010-12-18T15:25:00.003+11:00

Just when you thought Kim Kardashian had set a pretty high benchmark for artificial babe of the year, the seniorita below comes in for a last minute win!

But who is she? Those sexy eyes, her rampant cleavage, and that sexy cute pink dress (Glebe markets?)

It Was A Stupid Idea With A Predictable Result

2010-12-16T00:31:00.002+11:00

Just like a real superhero!

I laughed...

Too Literal

2010-12-15T01:19:00.001+11:00

It wouldn't be the first time she's used Ularu for fashion inspiration.

Cheeky Possum

2010-12-15T00:10:00.003+11:00

This weeks Kim Watch follows her through her twitter pages, and from what I can gather Kim's keeping it local (she was Never going to make it to Australia, so Obvious!) by keeping her performances selective. And by selective I mean she's opted for the local Gay bars of New York. Ahhh you can always trust the gays to open their cold hearts to any stray pop star - as long as it still identifies as a 'she'. Fuck the gays have taken in everything from Kelly Rowland to Paulini, something about those cheap club ready songs really rings a bell with the homosexual DNA.

And for those of us who plan to recreate Kim's look, heres what she wore;

Gold jacket ($7 from the local swap-n-save)

Black short-shorts (second hang from Biggie - same size!)

Monster boots (you gotta get something for stalking Rihanna right?)

Hair extensions ($5 - and nobody could smell the horse ++!)

Sheer stockings (only $20 from Ben & Jerrys)

Face ($50 - hollowed out teddy bear head soaked in Maybelline liquid concealer for 2 months)

Fake lashes (free - the things you can do with an old fridge box!)

An excited Kim before the show;

Me Thinks

2010-12-10T16:12:00.001+11:00

"A rumbly in my tumbly"

Humph?

2010-12-10T13:59:00.002+11:00

So a shitload of wax Gaga's were unveiled recently in so many places that the bitch broke another record. My only problem was with the Shanghai Gaga (pictured), which kinda looks a bit over 50.

XXX

2010-12-07T02:18:00.002+11:00

Beloved Gwen went to the White house with those 3 men who bribe her to make rock music not pop. Yeh yucky I know. After performing some Beetles shit (people STILL arent over them, bloody baby boomers) Gwenny plonked her dainty ass on a chair and tweeted the night away. What I'm saying is Gwen is better than the Beetles (not open for debate), she's what I'll be spinning as an oldie and referring to as 'legitimate music'. By that age I may also have surgerie'd myself into the second coming of Gaga, or maybe chucked a reverse MJ and turned into Beyonce herself. Hey Jay-Z!

No Thanks, Really No

2010-12-07T01:44:00.003+11:00

Firstly apologies if your a hoola hooper, but you've got to be aware that 'your type' come with alot of 'rolls eyes'. So if your a hooper and want to keep your confidence I suggest some nice Xmittens for Christmas, but if your from planet Earth (as opposed to Saturn - who also likes a dozen rings hanging around her tummy) then lets talk dreadlocks, hoops, the fucken rainbow, vegan fleece, backyard frog ponds, the organic rave movement, grain waves, bad hygiene and a chickens right to live, love and learn. Basically it's all a downward spiral until one day when your fire breathing backfires and you roast yourself from the inside out. Have I made my point; your gloves are bad. The worst.

Lil' November 4 Kim

2010-12-06T00:05:00.003+11:00

Wheres Kim at you ask?!? Well she had a heaps important November, and it all kicked off at halloween:

Kim was a sexy cat, she purr'ed around some party then fell asleep with her head in her crotch.

Next Kim hit up a 7/11, and by the look of things I'd say Kim's in for some potato chips! What a lucky girl!

And finally Kim's gone for the 'seaweed' hair she's been dreaming about. Looking a bit Michaella Jackson tho'

So ontop of a grueling regime that requires the rap queen to not only feed and wash herself, Kim's also found the energy to give Nicki Minaj afew jabs in the groin; she released her track 'Black Friday' which barks at hisses at the successful times of Nickiiiiii!!!!!!! Kim even got hot and flustered enough to (apply deodorant) announce another album; Hard Core 2: All Hail The Queen, in which we are sure to hear more about Kim's sexy curves and her appetite for shlong. As tasteless as that sounds lets be honest, it's already my anthem to a sexual 2012.

Sounds Good To Me!

2010-12-05T19:52:00.003+11:00

This little slogan had me thinking twice about dating online! The very exotic South Pacific! Yummy! I hope they are as red HOT as they say they are, and I hope I can go to a pretty island with my net lover and hang out at that glamourous stone wall thing in the picture. Sweet sweet fantasy!

Coolin Off

2010-12-03T03:08:00.001+11:00

Next single coming out in February 2011, gives me 3 healthy months to worship Nicki Minaj.

The Best Thing You'll Find On The Internet From The Past 24 Hours

2010-12-03T02:59:00.001+11:00

Get On The Plane Bitch

2010-12-02T19:29:00.001+11:00

Buckle up!

???

2010-12-02T01:41:00.002+11:00

Ok so lately I haven't been to sure where this blog is headed. What I do know is that there is beauty in the world (pictured above) and I like it.

Trend Stettin'

2010-11-29T13:52:00.002+11:00

My fashion idol got his nails done too!

I'm practically a Stefani-Rossdale (the paperwork is almost cleared! woot!) and I just know were all going to be the best of friends. Me and Gwen will talk pop music, Gavin and I will talk about kissing boys (he's a fan from way back), me and Kingston will do each others nails (I wont mind if his accuracy isn't there yet, too cute) and then we can all sit around discussing why Zuma has the skin pigmentation of a Kidman. Family.

Demented & Impractical

2010-11-22T15:26:00.001+11:00

Looks like something you'd go to hospital to have cut out of you.